So a lot of people have a "hero." hmm...
I know there are people who have saved me from different things, and I could probably fill this blog with a list of their names. But this is something interesting: in a hero movie, the hero always lets us down and then triumphs and rescues. But in life... in life people let you down and don't even know about it. In life, people let you down and walk away. To live is to be in the perpetual state of being let down by everyone around you. (To be human is to think that you are the only person that this happens to)
We all have this dream of a hero: a person who always comes back to rescue you when they let you down. Some people look to their future spouse to do this, some to money, some to God... But the funny thing is, no matter what we look to, it does not change the present situation. EVERYBODY AROUND YOU LETS YOU DOWN. This person has anger issues, this one doesn't listen, this one is perfect except for their addiction, this one... this one... this one... You could look at every single person in your life and make your list.
So what does that mean? Does it mean that we should give up on humanity, and be depressed?
no.
I am actually grinning right now. Such tragic concepts and words, but such a raw, earthy, human truth. We will all let each other down. So we smile, we laugh, we talk and we love.
That's it, isn't it? We don't wait for that one special person to be our hero, because they don't exist. We don't wait for God to come change it, because that is not now. We roll with the punches. Rocks decay, food rots, animals fight and bite, gravity pulls, people let people down. Just smile, love the people around you for the ways that they cannot fulfill you, and be.
And as you're smiling think of the ways people have been a blessing in your life. Think of the special moments and reasons you have to be grateful for those very people who may have or will in the future let you down.
ReplyDeleteI once had a friend who was clinically depressed. She had a whole team of doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with her. I remember one day she told me about a sermon she had listened to that really helped - about who we have ideas in our mind about how life should be, and when it doesn't match with our reality we feel let down, or like something is wrong, but if we realize that there is no set plan, no science to life, and that we really don't know what the future is, we can celebrate the good things that come our way.
ReplyDeleteThe other day at Mars, Rob Bell talked about three types of people - one with his hands folded, one with his fists clenched and the last with one hand open with gratitude. The first one has given up on life - he has been disappointed too often and has given up. The second one has something or someone that he needs to be happy, and is holding on for dear life. The third has found his peace, is content and holds what he has with an open hand, with gratitude.
Have I been disappointed by people? Oh yes. I have, at times, been so disappointed that someone I so desperately wanted to be in love with me wasn't that I sunk in to utter despair and depression. I have at other times expected people to believe in me and support me and encourage me and they haven't. I've had people tell me that I should ask for help, and de-friend me on facebook because I did. Facebook friends being what they are, it still hurt. I've had times when I hoped to spend time with someone I loved and they were too busy, or distracted.... and the list could go on forever.
And there's another list that could go on for a long time too - and that's the one of the times I have disappointed other people. I've been a terrible friend at times, selfish, greedy, needy, grumpy...
One of my favorite authors, Greg Boyd, wrote that people have the potential to be either the most beautiful of God's creation or the most ugly. I like to think of it like a violin's E string - when played well it makes the most breath takingly beautiful sound, but when played badly it sounds so bad it hurts. People can disappoint and let you down, but they can love you in a way that brings joy and comfort and delight and life in a way that nothing else can. Love is a risk, and loving people doesn't mean they will love you back, and when they don't it hurts so deeply, but when they do, there is nothing better.
I suppose for me I find that I am happiest when I don't expect people to be anything, or feel entitled to their friendship or their love. That way, when I meet someone who brightens my day, it is a surprise and a pleasure, and if I meet someone who doesn't, then I am happy for them to go on their way. I've learned that no one is going to fulfill me, or be my escape from the world. I'm not looking for someone to make life easy for me, or to rescue me. At the same time, I'm nothing without my friends and the people who love me.
I suppose the best word to use for all of this is hope - I hope that people will love me, but I don't expect them too. The ones who don't, don't - but the ones who do I am thankful for, and I hold them in an open hand, with gratitude. when entitlement is gone, gratitude can be authentic.
On a slightly different note, I think that part of me just feels desperately sad at the state that our world and our race is in. I believe that when God created the world, we were made to live in a world bathed in love, in which everything we needed was available, and all we did was for leisure, not survival - that loving people oozed out of us because we were so loved and connected with God. So while I don't feel entitled to people's love, I do believe that we live in a very far from perfect world, and I long to live in one that is characterized by love, delight, hope, creativity and celebration.