Animal

What if all of the standards of our society were lost? Would you still have any power? Would you survive? Darwinism exists in our society, but in a different way than it has in the past. I want to be powerful beyond politics and money. I want to be powerful through the sharpness of my mind and the fitness of my body. I want to fight someone and win. I want to exert physical force that is greater than my enemy's.

I am a man existing in a spiritual state, but I am also an animal existing in a physical state.

I want to master both.

Welcome to Today

-Evan

Power

Bane: [to Stryver] Leave us!
Roland Daggett: No! You stay here, I'm in charge!
Bane: [puts his hand on Daggett's shoulder] Do you feel in charge?
[Stryver leaves]
Roland Daggett: I paid you a small fortune.
Bane: And this gives you power over me?

(Quote from IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0000208/quotes)

Roland Daggett thinks that his money give him power over others. Bane knows that his physical strength, intelligence, and the loyalty of his men gives him real power. The wealthy feel entitled because of what they have done with their money, but there is no power there. Power comes when people understand the power of your will; the integrity of your soul. Money can buy an army of mercenaries, but only loyalty can create an army of comrades.

Where do you draw false power?

Where can you draw real power?

Reach into your soul.

Be powerful.

Welcome to Today

-Evan

Writing Music

Lately I have been trying to learn myself about how to write music. It's harder than I thought. I am jamming on a few different riffs, and making some rad beats, but the lyrics and catchy melody are so difficult to make natural. I know what sort of message I want to send with my first album, but I don't know how to say it all in an artistic way, full of flow without the weight that I've come to know in this life I live day to night and this love I live tomorrow or later tonight.

I want to ask the same questions that I ask in this blog, but I need a lightness to be mixed in. I need some songs to be crushingly emotional while others are whimsically releasing. I need my personality to be embodied in song. I want to create a real, perfectly authentic expression of my soul.

If I can do all these things, I can do anything.

But first I must be responsible to both the life I have lived and the life that I want to pursue. The past me has created some baggage that I need to fell, and the present me can't help but look towards the future and towards my dreams. The past will be handled on the way to the future. I have a plan, and it will be marvelous.

Welcome to a dark, wet, but surprisingly warm Today

-Evan

Falling

In the same fashion that feathers fall from birds, so too do we fall. We are all united in origin, but fall in such different manners: one straight down; one flipping end over end; one being swept away by the wind; and yet another floats gracefully down. We all fall from the same origin, and land at the same end, but my fall will be magnificent, and I will land where I love. The wind will sweep below, above and around me; falling in spiraling swirls.

I will fall and be felled, as will you. I will move and be moved, by and with you.

Today I shift my weight and fall this way; tomorrow I hold my weight and fall with the wind.

Welcome to Today

-Evan

Hump Day

Today I had no obligations until 4:00 pm. I was excited at the opportunity to get a lot done: clean my car, clean up around the house, and write some music. I ended up sleeping until 2:00 pm because I didn't set an alarm clock.

How often does that happen?

I'm 21. I have plenty of time to accomplish what I want to. Unless I sleep in.

What kind of alarm clocks can we have in life?

What sort of urgency does it take to accomplish our dreams?

How can we ensure that we won't sleep past our windows of opportunity?

It's hump day. What can you accomplish by the end of this week?

Welcome to Today.

-Evan

Evan

I filled a glass with sand. There were a few pockets of air, but other than those, the sand formed perfectly to the glass. I relocated the sand into another glass, one of completely different shape. The sand once again formed to the glass. I then brought the sand back to the original container. As predicted, the sand formed back to the original glass. Always the same sand, but always forming to the container around it.

This is a story of Evan.

I lived 21 years in the exact same containers: West Michigan; Grand Rapids; Christian Church; Ripley Family; Benjamin. Always the same containers, so on the surface people would see the same sand. But something subtle has changed. I have encountered different people, different glasses of sand, and I have acquired some of their sand while leaving some of my own. By encountering these people, we have shared ideas and we have influenced each other. So now there is a different set of sand, but it is perceived the same because it is in the same container. The new sand even acted like the old sand some times.

It was time to change the container.

I love my family; I love Grand Rapids.

Benjamin embodies Benjamin's ideas. Evan embodies Evan's ideas. They are different.

After experiencing some life, and learning from the people I came in contact with, I changed many of the things I believed about the world. Benjamin believed certain things, Evan believes different things.

Welcome to Today.

-Evan

Cold and Dark, all the same

We live in a society that tells people who they should be. We live in a society where people can take their personal, political and religious beliefs, and push them upon others. We live in a society that preaches community, but is just as cut throat as any that has ever been. We live in a society with slaves and castles. We live in a society with wars tearing people apart (some known, but many unspoken). Nothing has ever changed in the human race, and I doubt anything will.

Corporate greed is a real thing.

Those with money own the poor.

If a poor man changes his stars, and "makes it" in the standards of this society, there are other who benefit by his success significantly more than he does. The producer of the artist, the CEO of the business man.

Politicians ride on the backs of their enslaved armies. It is a war, a battle that tears this country in two. Democrats hold office, and then His Majesty Romney comes forward, armed with an army of republicans. The republicans seek to take back Washington as if it were Jerusalem, and tear down the idols left by the democrats. They wish to change this country to fit their ideals.

Democrats are holding up inside their castle walls. They hope to destroy Romney and his army.

There are wars between races and socio-economic stati. These are unspoken. The bottom rung of the ladder resents the rung just above it. The rung just above it feels as if it is just as far down as the bottom. The rung in the middle of the ladder feels it is at the bottom. The rung at the bottom of the top 1% of the ladder feels it is at the bottom.

Today I am cold. Jacket, blanket, hat. Cold.

In California, the state signed a bill into law that prohibits doctors from practicing gay reversal therapy for people under the age of 18. Good work California. Parents who make their youths go through this sort of therapy are hurting their children. Imagine if everything inside your body told you that you were a hat, but everybody in the world told you that you had to be a shoe.

In America, we think that our philosophy of freedom is so much better than everybody else's. We are wrong. It looks like freedom, but is just as controlled and twisted as any other culture in the world.

I don't know if everything that I think is true, but here is what I know to be true:

Freedom will never be presented to you by a society. It will never be presented to you by a family or a friend. Freedom is something you must take. It is there for everyone, and it must be seized. It is YOUR freedom. Nobody can give it to you, and nobody can take it from you.

In your darkest moments, you have the freedom of choice. It is yours, and nobody can do anything about that.

Benjamin was a slave.

Evan is rising in freedom.

Cold and dark, all the same; welcome to Today

-Evan

A New Look; A New Name: post 100

When I first made this blog, the title was just a clever title, but it has evolved since then. "A Thousand Thoughts From Here" is a description of my subconscious condition. I am constantly following trails of thoughts that lead me one way or another, but I rarely acknowledge the thoughts to the people around me. The blog has a new sub-title too: "the deep end of my mind." This thought is an expansion of the blog title, and in this new look I will venture into the deep ends of my mind; in this new chapter of this blog, I will show you how far the rabbit trail leads.

The ultimate idea that my mind dwells on right now is the idea of the phoenix. When the phoenix dies, it bursts into flames, but from the flames a new phoenix is born. The idea that my mind dwells on is that life is hard, death is a part of existence, but the world continues, and even with all the negative (the flames, and the ashes), there is always a flower blooming, or a new life being born. In the depths of our suffering, there are other energies, there is an upward motion for every downward motion.

I hope that this journey focuses on the positives, while acknowledging the negatives. I hope that this journey takes me and my readers through a set of difficult questions, and makes us better for it when we emerge.

Welcome to today.

-Evan

P.S. I also decided to go by my middle name: "Evan." I will cover that in a later post.

Unplugged

This summer I decided that I would not return to Calvin in the Fall. My original plan was to attend GRCC and do some core classes during the Fall. However, after even more thought and even more life I decided to take the semester off entirely and work full time. So during that special time of year, when all the students are returning to town to prepare for classes I was not. I was working.

Around the same time I decided to go to GRCC, I deleted my Facebook. As far as many of my Calvin friends were concerned, I simply disappeared. A vanishing act. But I feel that leaving Facebook was good for me. It helped me to be less plugged in to the meaningless meanderings of my friends and acquaintances, and helped me to be more plugged in to the world that truly surrounded me.

I think that my life is better without Facebook.

Then, two nights ago, I lost my phone. I had to wake up this morning and send my friends e-mails instead of text messages. It's as if I am living in an earlier time: a simpler time.

But the strangest thing is this: now that I do not have a phone, I notice everyone else on their phones. It's crazy how plugged in everyone is. Always on their phones. Always looking down, when there is a whole world of colors and sounds to greet them if they would just look up.

I'm not about to say that phones are objectively bad, but loosing mine for this short time has made me notice some things.

Being unplugged has been a good thing.

We take convenience for granted.

Maybe you should try it some time.

-Evan