Just a thought: I am going to list some unattractive traits.
1. Sarcasm
2. Bitterness
3. Unforgiveness
4. Contempt
5. Cowardice
All of these end up working together to ruin us... like this: He was being sarcastic towards her for he bitterly held her in contempt because of his cowardly unforgiveness.
Now that is not always the case, and there are many other traits I could list, but the point is that the story never ends with, "he was being sarcastic towards her." Nor could the story be fully told by saying "he held her in contempt." You see, unattractive traits seem to magnetize to each other and build on each other over and over until the one possessing the traits actually acquires the trait that is unattractiveness.
So when you notice that you have not forgiven someone for something, don't just shrug it off or just stare at it and hope for it to change. You have to do something about it. You have to analyze it and see how it has poisoned you.
Maybe you think to yourself, I struggle with lust. But with that statement, you could likely dig deeper and tell a much longer story revealing much more. Maybe like this: I struggle with lust, which is just my poor self image manifesting itself, and my self image is poor because I have been quite glutinous lately.
But then there is another step to most stories.
Blame.
The story then becomes: He was being sarcastic towards her for he bitterly held her in contempt because of his cowardly unforgiveness, because she hurt him.
Blame is unattractive.
Or maybe: I struggle with lust, which is just my poor self image manifesting itself, and my self image is poor because I have been quite glutinous lately, because my parents abandoned me.
The story moves from what seems simple sarcasm to a plethora of unattractive traits along with the blame that you use to justify it. But let me tell you something that I have realized, your unattractive traits cannot be blamed on anyone. You do not struggle with unforgiveness because people wrong you. People do wrong you, and they affect you negatively with their own unattractive traits, but that is not the reason for your unattractive traits.
I struggled for some time with unforgiveness. And the sad thing is that I thought that my unforgiveness was caused by the wrong done to me. MY unforgiveness was caused by MY HEART.
MY lust was caused by MY HEART.
MY sarcasm was caused by MY HEART.
MY unattractive traits are caused by MY HEART.
Every single time.
God does not love based on good deeds, if he did then he would not be able to love any of us. God does not bless based on good deeds, if he did then he would not be able to bless any of us.
God loves and God blesses because it is part of his nature to love and to bless, it is part of his heart to love and to bless.
So when we hate we must be reminded why we hate. When we lust we must remember why we lust. Blaming someone for your unforgiveness will only make your unforgiveness worse. The only way to turn your unattractive traits into attractive traits is to turn your heart. God calls us to be like Christ, we must align our hearts with His so that we may love like He does and bless like He does.
Jesus is the way the truth and the light.
There is no other way.
Grace and Peace,
Ben
