Beliefs vs. Material Reality

Today I am struck by the complexity of my own ignorance.

I believe a few things about this world. As do you (even if you do not think that you do... you do). One of the things I believe, or at least that I thought I believed was that all is meaningless. Everything that we do is meaningless. It is like a cog in a watch, the cog decides that it will spin in circles, and spin and spin... then one day, it decides to break. The cog deciding to break is nothing that the cog ultimately constructed or did on its own... it simply fits into the timeline. At this hour on this day for this reason, the cog broke. It gets recorded into a history book, and that is all. Of course, it always was in a history book because it was always the thing that was going to happen to that cog at that moment.

That is all. All is meaningless.

However, I am an idiot.

See, I would acknowledge that belief, however I do not.

Let me put it this way. If you asked me what I believed, the above is what I would tell you. However, if you observed how I acted, then you could prove that I do not believe the above. This is the difference between our set of beliefs and our material reality.

Here's an example, which caught my eye enough to cause me to write this blog.

I was watching a Youtube video, and like many videos, the guy is giving something away. All you have to do is "like" the video and comment. So I, along with the millions of others (proving that I indeed will not win this Xbox) clicked the "like" button and commented. (aaahahahaha, I am really quite stupid) Here is what I commented:

"It's all meaningless anyway isn't it? So... this, holding suit with everything else in existence, doesn't matter. Neither would me winning that Xbox"

I would say... yeah. True. Well said. But, I commented. I tried to win that Xbox, which proves that it was not a meaningless endeavor to me. In that action, stating one of my beliefs I proved that I did not believe it.

But this puts me into the middle of my own paradox, because I have realized that what I believe I do not believe. Now what? Do I change what I believe? Do I desperately attempt to change how I behave? Or do I add the clause that I am a hypocrite to my "beliefs"?

What is That of Which You Speak?

Girl: How big is the universe?
Man: Infinite
Girl: How do you know?
Man: I know because all the data indicates that it's infinite
Girl: But it hasn't been proven yet.
Man: No
Girl: You haven't seen it.
Man: No
Girl: How do you know for sure?
Man: I don't, I just believe it.
Girl: mmm... It's the same with love I guess.

-A Beautiful Mind

I recently had the thought that love is not a choice, but rather it is something that either we find, or finds us through our lives. Many people said this is wrong; that we can indeed choose to love. I agree that we can choose to love, but to find love... I wonder what can be done about that.

We all have places that we search for love: religion, family, friends, sex, etc... The only truth that I can imagine is that love comes about when one is not alone. Perhaps loneliness is the absence of love. Perhaps the absence of love is an existential atheism. Though we all have remarked how much we love inanimate objects, I deem that love is not something that can be chosen, or found, or even stumbled upon with inanimate objects.

I wonder, whether it is a choice or an accident, when we know we have found love. Perhaps we may only know this when we find the end of the universe, but I enjoy entertaining this analogy. As I understand it, the universe is infinitely large and infinitely small. This would be in line with the quote above, but how many times are we mistaken about this? One man may fly to the moon, and certainly that is the end of the universe; where another man may fly the the furthest reaches of light, and deem that the end of the universe; and still another may - through means which seem utterly impossible to us based on the little we know of the possibilities of technology - fly past the reaches of light. I wonder which man has found the end of the universe.

So then, if this analogy truly follows, I wonder also which man has found love. Perhaps the man with a thousand concubines; or is it the man with a wife of 60 years; or maybe it is the young man who is madly in love with the girl of his dreams, and he is slipping the ring on her finger; but even still could it be the little girl who is absolutely certain that she is going to marry the boy across the street; or could it possibly be the man who, 20 years later, looks upon the picture of his beloved, praying for her return. This same question could be asked in reference to those who search for love through religion, friends or sex.

I suppose that the answer is such as the one in the quote. One may never answer this question, but is forced to act on belief.

The terrible reality of this world is such as this: if one believes in the wrong answer, the answer is still wrong.