Eros

I want to begin by saying that this article was a bit difficult for me to understand. But I got out of it a lot, simply did not entirely understand all of it.

I very much enjoy Lewis' sides on this thought of Eros, of love like a woman and man experience for each other. Lewis says something that I want to talk about in this chapter: "We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that lie "wants a woman." Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus." He used an example when he did the recording for this chapter too. He said that a man does not want a cigarette for the cigarette, he wants the affects of the cigarette. How often, when someone finished a pack of cigarettes do they keep the box? They discard it, and this happens to women very often.

I do not think that this statement is referring only to sexual "pleasure" but rather anything, emotional, physical or spiritual (I think that covers about everything). Many men use women (I use these examples from the man's perspective simply because I am a man and can understand it, woman do it too, but for the purpose of this posting I will focus on the man's flaw) for many different reasons, and the worst part is that a lot of them do not even know. There are great, awesome Christian men who are very selfish in relationships, and they are blind to their selfishness. That is why, often times, when a girl brings up problems in the relationship, the man will be defensive and think that she is making things up, or over reacting.

But how can we, the ignorant man, be sure that we do not fall into this? First: communicate openly about everything. This initiative must be taken by the man, and once taken it frees the man and the woman to bring things us that bother them. Second: discuss and set boundaries for the physical, spiritual, and emotional aspect of your relationship (this will also help with the first thought). By setting up boundaries, and constantly keeping them up for discussion, you can be sure that you are both on the same page of the relationship. A lot of times, one person will get further involved in the relationship then the other, this can cause problems.

Again, this posting is geared towards men, and the things I mention are initiatives that must be taken by the man of the relationship.

This topic is of extreme importance to me, because I believe that men are not living up to their role in relationships, or in families. So many times I comfort my friends when they just got out of a relationship only to be offering them advice for their next relationship that fails from the same problems. And the bottom line, as hard as it is to admit, is these things happen because we are not being men like God shows us to be men in our relationships.

Also, just a few thoughts I had on this topic: first, like Adriana said today during class, be friends before you date. This is so incredibly important. Second, I believe that far too many relationships move far too fast. People do not set boundaries (if they do, they are poorly set). How many relationships become all about physical aspects, rather then what matters?

Randy Alcorn has a list of different standards that he holds every boy to if that boy intends to date his daughters. He and his wife sit down his daughter and the boy, and go over this list. One of the points I think we all need to remember, "focus on talking, not touching." We have plenty of time to experience each others bodies after marriage. Another point he makes is that if either man or woman in a relationship get sexually stimulated by anything you do, you have gone too far. That is God's warning to us, he built our bodies like that. If you do things that get you sexually excited, what other purpose should it have then to have sex? Take a step back, protect your integrity, protect your relationship.

If we are truly to become Christlike, we are to give up everything that we have as our precepts of a relationship, and observe what the bible tells us about relationships. Only then will you be able to be the man of a relationship as God has called you to be.

In Christ,

Ben