Drinking and Wrestling

So there are ideas in the bible that are constantly wrestled with. I do not always enjoy wrestling, sometimes I am tired and just want to sit in the sun and have the truth come down from heaven upon me like ice cold lemonade... I'm not going to say that is impossible, but let's just say that we have to wrestle.

That said, I don't think I will ever be done wrestling with anything. It is constantly changing and applying itself in new ways in my life, and the wrestling match will only be done when I die or Christ returns.

Here are a few of my wrestling matches:

1. Whether or not homosexuality is sinful, what then?
2. Jesus loves the porn star... Just as much as me?
3. I cannot trust my heart?

1. Personally, I think that homosexuality is sinful. But what does that mean? Does it even matter? Even if that is true, that does not effect how I treat the person. All that means is that for me, personally, I would consider myself sinning if I were to have a homosexual relationship. But can I possibly look upon a man and say "you are sinning?" Truth be told, I have a plank in my eye. Perhaps I let God judge, and I attempt to love all.

2. Jesus loves the porn star. Jesus loves everyone. Jesus came to die for everyone. But Jesus must love me more right?... haha. no. not at all. How many sins do I have that I do not repent, that I do not attempt to fix? I slap Jesus in the face on a daily basis. I put the nails through his hands time and time again. I see his pain, I know what causes is, and I pick up the hammer and pound the nail.

3. I absolutely cannot trust my heart. Another thing to add to this one, begin "nice" is not enough. I have good intentions with most everything I do, I think most people do. I try to be nice to everyone around me, and that stems from these good intentions. But these intentions and this attempt at "niceness" do nothing. I have no way of overcoming this on my own. The only possible thing that could happen is that God could have mercy upon me and guide me towards his heart. Let my heart be Yours Lord, so that there is no difference. I will not trust my own heart, but rather I will trust God's heart.

But how can I tell the difference?

As you can see, with each of these there is wrestling happening, and wrestling that has happened. I have been frustrated and angry, I have been exhausted and defeated. Every answer I think I stumble upon brings forth more questions.

But as I wrestle, I must remember this. I must come back to the water. I must drink deep of it, or I will be overtaken. If I do not drink the water, the simplest and only fulfilling water, I will be overtaken.

Drink deep of the well that is Jesus.

Grace and Peace to all,

Ben