I grew up poor, but surrounded by love. I have a supporting mother who helps me with my rent. I am a student at Calvin College. I drive a car from 1995, and I am blessed to have it. I make very little money. I love the people around me. I will graduate with tens of thousands of student loans into a field that pays poorly.
I am the 99%... and that's ok.
I am more fortunate than most... even much of the 1%. Does easy living and money really solve problems? I get to do what I love every day. If I have to work 2 jobs to do that, so be it.
I see what the 99% is saying, but they are acting purely from a point of a victim, and with a sense of entitlement. We are truly not entitled to anything in the physical world. We live within our means, and we do what we have to in order to support those around us. Then when we are in need those around us support us back.
The world is torn and twisted, and the evil that permeates it is daunting and should not be ignored.
Joy is an odd thing to pin down, but it is not a result of "happiness"
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Standing On the Edge
This entire summer I have been anticipating the semester that begins on Tuesday. I have poured myself out time and time again in my thoughts about this semester. And now that I stand on the brink I feel entirely unprepared. Coming off of last semester, I anticipate the semester to strike my life as a storm as brutal as the last, and my defenses are not in place.
I am reminded of a moment I just read of in The Return of the King. Gandalf and Pippin ride into Minas Tirith after a restless gallop all the way from Rohan to the North. This haste is brought about when Gandalf realizes that the enemy (Sauron and his armies in Mordor) are further in their plans then Gandalf had thought them. When Gandalf enters The City of Gondor, he passes a force of men working on building up a battlement of the outer wall. He says to them that the storm is already upon them and it would be better for them to begin sharpening their blades.
Later in that same chapter, Pippin goes to the gates of Minas Tirith with a newly acquainted friend to watch the arrival of armies that are coming to help. The armies ride in with glorious cheering from the people of Minas Tirith, but after they pass there is a murmur through the crowd, "too few have come". As I read there is a troubling sense that the battle that is being brought to Minas Tirith, the storm that is about to be unleashed upon the stronghold is more terrible then could possibly be prepared for.
I feel that I cannot prepare much further then I have, that I am expending all of my resources, yet the storm is coming upon me more violent then I could have predicted. I feel as ready as I could, yet not prepared enough; that I am standing on a diving board, facing backwards and all that is left is to jump.
So I look upon this storm, and I say "do your worst" for I would have nothing else. I jump and I run head first into the pouring thunder.
It's a good thing I have some great friends who will pick me up when I fall, and who will push me forward when I am discouraged. I suppose that the best thing to remember is that the storm never falls upon just one person.
I am reminded of a moment I just read of in The Return of the King. Gandalf and Pippin ride into Minas Tirith after a restless gallop all the way from Rohan to the North. This haste is brought about when Gandalf realizes that the enemy (Sauron and his armies in Mordor) are further in their plans then Gandalf had thought them. When Gandalf enters The City of Gondor, he passes a force of men working on building up a battlement of the outer wall. He says to them that the storm is already upon them and it would be better for them to begin sharpening their blades.
Later in that same chapter, Pippin goes to the gates of Minas Tirith with a newly acquainted friend to watch the arrival of armies that are coming to help. The armies ride in with glorious cheering from the people of Minas Tirith, but after they pass there is a murmur through the crowd, "too few have come". As I read there is a troubling sense that the battle that is being brought to Minas Tirith, the storm that is about to be unleashed upon the stronghold is more terrible then could possibly be prepared for.
I feel that I cannot prepare much further then I have, that I am expending all of my resources, yet the storm is coming upon me more violent then I could have predicted. I feel as ready as I could, yet not prepared enough; that I am standing on a diving board, facing backwards and all that is left is to jump.
So I look upon this storm, and I say "do your worst" for I would have nothing else. I jump and I run head first into the pouring thunder.
It's a good thing I have some great friends who will pick me up when I fall, and who will push me forward when I am discouraged. I suppose that the best thing to remember is that the storm never falls upon just one person.
Logic is Flawed
My niece is quite ignorant of the world. She does not understand concepts that are so elementary and necessary for the continuation of humanity. She is selfish, and does not understand anything outside of herself. She does not understand how her decisions and action effect the people around her. I often am frustrated with her because of this. My Niece is four. Of course she does not understand any of this. It cannot be expected for someone of that age to have an understand of any of these things, and my frustration is purely that of selfishness myself. But she brings an interesting thought to the table.
Children of a young age cannot comprehend these simple concepts, and so there are authorities in the children's lives that govern them and tell them what is good to do and what is not good to do. And children learn that they must trust these authorities, and obey or be disciplined. One of my sisters has a very good discipline system. She asks her son if he is going to choose to obey or choose to have a time out. He does not know why he must obey all of the time, but he knows his choices, and the consequence of each because his mother has told him.
Jesus says of children that the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as them.
Logic is a flawed system. Perhaps it is one of the best systems that we have available to ourselves, but it will often lead us astray. Would you let my four year old niece act as judge in a murder trial? Would you let her write laws for a state? Would you let her choose your outfit for a day? But how much do we, or rather "they" (for I must discount myself as one who has understanding) truly understand about the world?
If you believe that anything in this world is flawed, then you ought to be able to acknowledge with me that everything, if looked at from the right vantage point is flawed. Only if you believe that everything in this world is exactly as it ought to be, that we are like the animals and there is no higher calling for us, only then do I believe that you can disagree with my statement.
I believe that this constant flaw is because of the human's desire to understand everything combined with the human condition of only being able to see some things. It is the job of a jury to convict, and a noble one at that. But it is the worst job I could imagine and I hope never to be put in that position. The problem is that there may be information that is not presented or understood, and a decision must be made in the example of a court. Perhaps 99% of cases yield a verdict that is true based on the happenings, but it is still flawed if there is 1% that is mistaken. But in that situation a decision must be made, and it is often logic that comes to the fore in order to make that decision.
What about science? Science in a way is a venture to understand the world around us. We have found that if we perform these experiments, and record results under different circumstances, we can often conclude a concept and it will be understood and believed by most. This is what I understand to be scientific fact. And while this seems to hold up in many situations, what are we supposed to do with ideas such as the speed of light? The speed of light is a mystery that I do not suppose we will ever understand, and though many theories will be formed, perhaps none of them will really be accurate.
What about evolution? Based on the laws of science, it is logical to conclude that the world was created by evolution. That seems to be man's best guess.
What about the world ending in 2012?
What if all the signs of logic, all the scientific discoveries, everything points towards a conclusion? Does that make that conclusion accurate? Does that make it true?
The Bible tells stories of a God that cannot be understood creating in a way that cannot be understood to form this universe that we now know to be a place that cannot be understood.The Bible tells stories of a loving God who told a man to kill his son. The Bible tells stories of the God of compassion who destroyed entire cities and killed all of the people within. Christianity has seen people declaring a prince of peace, then killing in the same name.
Do those stories follow logically to support the case of the divine?
Perhaps logic is flawed. Perhaps understanding and knowledge are folly. Perhaps wisdom is incomprehensible.
Children of a young age cannot comprehend these simple concepts, and so there are authorities in the children's lives that govern them and tell them what is good to do and what is not good to do. And children learn that they must trust these authorities, and obey or be disciplined. One of my sisters has a very good discipline system. She asks her son if he is going to choose to obey or choose to have a time out. He does not know why he must obey all of the time, but he knows his choices, and the consequence of each because his mother has told him.
Jesus says of children that the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as them.
Logic is a flawed system. Perhaps it is one of the best systems that we have available to ourselves, but it will often lead us astray. Would you let my four year old niece act as judge in a murder trial? Would you let her write laws for a state? Would you let her choose your outfit for a day? But how much do we, or rather "they" (for I must discount myself as one who has understanding) truly understand about the world?
If you believe that anything in this world is flawed, then you ought to be able to acknowledge with me that everything, if looked at from the right vantage point is flawed. Only if you believe that everything in this world is exactly as it ought to be, that we are like the animals and there is no higher calling for us, only then do I believe that you can disagree with my statement.
I believe that this constant flaw is because of the human's desire to understand everything combined with the human condition of only being able to see some things. It is the job of a jury to convict, and a noble one at that. But it is the worst job I could imagine and I hope never to be put in that position. The problem is that there may be information that is not presented or understood, and a decision must be made in the example of a court. Perhaps 99% of cases yield a verdict that is true based on the happenings, but it is still flawed if there is 1% that is mistaken. But in that situation a decision must be made, and it is often logic that comes to the fore in order to make that decision.
What about science? Science in a way is a venture to understand the world around us. We have found that if we perform these experiments, and record results under different circumstances, we can often conclude a concept and it will be understood and believed by most. This is what I understand to be scientific fact. And while this seems to hold up in many situations, what are we supposed to do with ideas such as the speed of light? The speed of light is a mystery that I do not suppose we will ever understand, and though many theories will be formed, perhaps none of them will really be accurate.
What about evolution? Based on the laws of science, it is logical to conclude that the world was created by evolution. That seems to be man's best guess.
What about the world ending in 2012?
What if all the signs of logic, all the scientific discoveries, everything points towards a conclusion? Does that make that conclusion accurate? Does that make it true?
The Bible tells stories of a God that cannot be understood creating in a way that cannot be understood to form this universe that we now know to be a place that cannot be understood.The Bible tells stories of a loving God who told a man to kill his son. The Bible tells stories of the God of compassion who destroyed entire cities and killed all of the people within. Christianity has seen people declaring a prince of peace, then killing in the same name.
Do those stories follow logically to support the case of the divine?
Perhaps logic is flawed. Perhaps understanding and knowledge are folly. Perhaps wisdom is incomprehensible.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
A Little Bit on Wisdom
I have been reading Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, and I just love them. I love the story, and the friendships. I love the journey, and the characters. But most of all I have been blown away by the history. Tolkien created a world with a history richer than our own. There is a complete history surrounding every race of people, and whether simple or profound, these histories draw me in and make me keep reading.
The histories of most of these peoples is passed down through song, or poetry, and not actually written down. A true account is hard to find, so most history, given enough generations turns into legend. Then there becomes this blur between what is true and what is myth; there become hostilities between different peoples over grudges held based on legends and myths; there are certain areas (mines or forests) that people fear to enter because of these legends. However, there are a few creates that still exist in this world that Tolkien created who sing these songs, and recite this poetry, who actually were around when it happened.
Whether these creates are wizards, ents, or elves, they have a completely different perspective on the present happenings, when put in light with the lives that they have lived. Men see an evil rise, and want to attack it and smother it instantly. But the elves sit for a time and talk, and the ents may not even think twice about it. The wizards are a very different breed all together, and remain somewhat of a question mark to me.
I think that there is profound wisdom in Tolkien's creation of these different peoples. I think that he either already possessed this wisdom, or perhaps he gained it while writing these books, but either way he had it at some point. If you look at the world, and at different groups of people, you begin to grasp the wisdom of Tolkien, but you cannot fully understand it until you consider the idea of peoples like the elves or ents, who are immortal.
See, young people are hasty. Their immediate needs seem to be the only thing that matters, and the only thing that ever has or will matter. This could be good in certain moments, but more often then not, I think this is foolish. Young people get wrapped up in their immediate needs (which is a good way of saying desires), and fail to see long term consequences. Only after they have dug a hole do they realize they are standing in it. Of course, there is a rare moment when you dig a hole, realize you are standing in it, then realize that there is gold in that hole.
Then there are the old and the wise. Older people tend to scorn those who are hasty, and spend plenty of time making up their mind. This often leads to prosperity, and usually is wise. However, the wise may seem to be foolish or stuck in their ways. They often do not act, and just sit around and talk. And to those hasty young people, they are infuriating in their inaction. Of course, the wise are often infuriated by the young in their foolishness.
I often looked at the old and wise, and frowned at their inaction, but when I read of the ents and the elves, I understood a little bit. The ents and elves, these immortal creatures often stay free of the happenings of men. I did not understand this when I watched the movies. It seemed to me that the power of these peoples could easily have matched the power of Sauron (the evil Lord), but the ents and elves both kept their distance; the elves providing counsel while the ents would have done nothing if not for the help of some hobbits.
The point of this blog is this: the happenings of the world have been happening since time began. There is likely nothing different about this trial than the last. The hasty young people would have you believe that this moment is the most important. That this is different and that something must be done. But the wise would reflect and see that this is, in fact most similar to what has always been going on.
Perhaps if we all spent more time conversing with trees.
The histories of most of these peoples is passed down through song, or poetry, and not actually written down. A true account is hard to find, so most history, given enough generations turns into legend. Then there becomes this blur between what is true and what is myth; there become hostilities between different peoples over grudges held based on legends and myths; there are certain areas (mines or forests) that people fear to enter because of these legends. However, there are a few creates that still exist in this world that Tolkien created who sing these songs, and recite this poetry, who actually were around when it happened.
Whether these creates are wizards, ents, or elves, they have a completely different perspective on the present happenings, when put in light with the lives that they have lived. Men see an evil rise, and want to attack it and smother it instantly. But the elves sit for a time and talk, and the ents may not even think twice about it. The wizards are a very different breed all together, and remain somewhat of a question mark to me.
I think that there is profound wisdom in Tolkien's creation of these different peoples. I think that he either already possessed this wisdom, or perhaps he gained it while writing these books, but either way he had it at some point. If you look at the world, and at different groups of people, you begin to grasp the wisdom of Tolkien, but you cannot fully understand it until you consider the idea of peoples like the elves or ents, who are immortal.
See, young people are hasty. Their immediate needs seem to be the only thing that matters, and the only thing that ever has or will matter. This could be good in certain moments, but more often then not, I think this is foolish. Young people get wrapped up in their immediate needs (which is a good way of saying desires), and fail to see long term consequences. Only after they have dug a hole do they realize they are standing in it. Of course, there is a rare moment when you dig a hole, realize you are standing in it, then realize that there is gold in that hole.
Then there are the old and the wise. Older people tend to scorn those who are hasty, and spend plenty of time making up their mind. This often leads to prosperity, and usually is wise. However, the wise may seem to be foolish or stuck in their ways. They often do not act, and just sit around and talk. And to those hasty young people, they are infuriating in their inaction. Of course, the wise are often infuriated by the young in their foolishness.
I often looked at the old and wise, and frowned at their inaction, but when I read of the ents and the elves, I understood a little bit. The ents and elves, these immortal creatures often stay free of the happenings of men. I did not understand this when I watched the movies. It seemed to me that the power of these peoples could easily have matched the power of Sauron (the evil Lord), but the ents and elves both kept their distance; the elves providing counsel while the ents would have done nothing if not for the help of some hobbits.
The point of this blog is this: the happenings of the world have been happening since time began. There is likely nothing different about this trial than the last. The hasty young people would have you believe that this moment is the most important. That this is different and that something must be done. But the wise would reflect and see that this is, in fact most similar to what has always been going on.
Perhaps if we all spent more time conversing with trees.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Children of Night
We are children of the night.
We live for the night, and abhor the day.
We live for death and abhor life.
We celebrate the sun setting and cringe at its rise.
We gladly fall asleep into death, yet we furrow our brow at the rebirth of morning.
We work to live, and hate both; or we live to work, and never stop.
We sing a sad song happily, and sadly sing a happy song.
We hate from our heart, and love from our head.
We are born alone, and die alone.
But occasionally we stumble into light.
But the bright, burning bliss blisters our brow.
But past the plethora of pain produces pictures purely perceived as perfection.
And this emergence is life.
But wait for me.
I still love the night.
We live for the night, and abhor the day.
We live for death and abhor life.
We celebrate the sun setting and cringe at its rise.
We gladly fall asleep into death, yet we furrow our brow at the rebirth of morning.
We work to live, and hate both; or we live to work, and never stop.
We sing a sad song happily, and sadly sing a happy song.
We hate from our heart, and love from our head.
We are born alone, and die alone.
But occasionally we stumble into light.
But the bright, burning bliss blisters our brow.
But past the plethora of pain produces pictures purely perceived as perfection.
And this emergence is life.
But wait for me.
I still love the night.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Beliefs vs. Material Reality
Today I am struck by the complexity of my own ignorance.
I believe a few things about this world. As do you (even if you do not think that you do... you do). One of the things I believe, or at least that I thought I believed was that all is meaningless. Everything that we do is meaningless. It is like a cog in a watch, the cog decides that it will spin in circles, and spin and spin... then one day, it decides to break. The cog deciding to break is nothing that the cog ultimately constructed or did on its own... it simply fits into the timeline. At this hour on this day for this reason, the cog broke. It gets recorded into a history book, and that is all. Of course, it always was in a history book because it was always the thing that was going to happen to that cog at that moment.
That is all. All is meaningless.
However, I am an idiot.
See, I would acknowledge that belief, however I do not.
Let me put it this way. If you asked me what I believed, the above is what I would tell you. However, if you observed how I acted, then you could prove that I do not believe the above. This is the difference between our set of beliefs and our material reality.
Here's an example, which caught my eye enough to cause me to write this blog.
I was watching a Youtube video, and like many videos, the guy is giving something away. All you have to do is "like" the video and comment. So I, along with the millions of others (proving that I indeed will not win this Xbox) clicked the "like" button and commented. (aaahahahaha, I am really quite stupid) Here is what I commented:
"It's all meaningless anyway isn't it? So... this, holding suit with everything else in existence, doesn't matter. Neither would me winning that Xbox"
I would say... yeah. True. Well said. But, I commented. I tried to win that Xbox, which proves that it was not a meaningless endeavor to me. In that action, stating one of my beliefs I proved that I did not believe it.
But this puts me into the middle of my own paradox, because I have realized that what I believe I do not believe. Now what? Do I change what I believe? Do I desperately attempt to change how I behave? Or do I add the clause that I am a hypocrite to my "beliefs"?
I believe a few things about this world. As do you (even if you do not think that you do... you do). One of the things I believe, or at least that I thought I believed was that all is meaningless. Everything that we do is meaningless. It is like a cog in a watch, the cog decides that it will spin in circles, and spin and spin... then one day, it decides to break. The cog deciding to break is nothing that the cog ultimately constructed or did on its own... it simply fits into the timeline. At this hour on this day for this reason, the cog broke. It gets recorded into a history book, and that is all. Of course, it always was in a history book because it was always the thing that was going to happen to that cog at that moment.
That is all. All is meaningless.
However, I am an idiot.
See, I would acknowledge that belief, however I do not.
Let me put it this way. If you asked me what I believed, the above is what I would tell you. However, if you observed how I acted, then you could prove that I do not believe the above. This is the difference between our set of beliefs and our material reality.
Here's an example, which caught my eye enough to cause me to write this blog.
I was watching a Youtube video, and like many videos, the guy is giving something away. All you have to do is "like" the video and comment. So I, along with the millions of others (proving that I indeed will not win this Xbox) clicked the "like" button and commented. (aaahahahaha, I am really quite stupid) Here is what I commented:
"It's all meaningless anyway isn't it? So... this, holding suit with everything else in existence, doesn't matter. Neither would me winning that Xbox"
I would say... yeah. True. Well said. But, I commented. I tried to win that Xbox, which proves that it was not a meaningless endeavor to me. In that action, stating one of my beliefs I proved that I did not believe it.
But this puts me into the middle of my own paradox, because I have realized that what I believe I do not believe. Now what? Do I change what I believe? Do I desperately attempt to change how I behave? Or do I add the clause that I am a hypocrite to my "beliefs"?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
What is That of Which You Speak?
Girl: How big is the universe?
Man: Infinite
Girl: How do you know?
Man: I know because all the data indicates that it's infinite
Girl: But it hasn't been proven yet.
Man: No
Girl: You haven't seen it.
Man: No
Girl: How do you know for sure?
Man: I don't, I just believe it.
Girl: mmm... It's the same with love I guess.
-A Beautiful Mind
I recently had the thought that love is not a choice, but rather it is something that either we find, or finds us through our lives. Many people said this is wrong; that we can indeed choose to love. I agree that we can choose to love, but to find love... I wonder what can be done about that.
We all have places that we search for love: religion, family, friends, sex, etc... The only truth that I can imagine is that love comes about when one is not alone. Perhaps loneliness is the absence of love. Perhaps the absence of love is an existential atheism. Though we all have remarked how much we love inanimate objects, I deem that love is not something that can be chosen, or found, or even stumbled upon with inanimate objects.
I wonder, whether it is a choice or an accident, when we know we have found love. Perhaps we may only know this when we find the end of the universe, but I enjoy entertaining this analogy. As I understand it, the universe is infinitely large and infinitely small. This would be in line with the quote above, but how many times are we mistaken about this? One man may fly to the moon, and certainly that is the end of the universe; where another man may fly the the furthest reaches of light, and deem that the end of the universe; and still another may - through means which seem utterly impossible to us based on the little we know of the possibilities of technology - fly past the reaches of light. I wonder which man has found the end of the universe.
So then, if this analogy truly follows, I wonder also which man has found love. Perhaps the man with a thousand concubines; or is it the man with a wife of 60 years; or maybe it is the young man who is madly in love with the girl of his dreams, and he is slipping the ring on her finger; but even still could it be the little girl who is absolutely certain that she is going to marry the boy across the street; or could it possibly be the man who, 20 years later, looks upon the picture of his beloved, praying for her return. This same question could be asked in reference to those who search for love through religion, friends or sex.
I suppose that the answer is such as the one in the quote. One may never answer this question, but is forced to act on belief.
The terrible reality of this world is such as this: if one believes in the wrong answer, the answer is still wrong.
Man: Infinite
Girl: How do you know?
Man: I know because all the data indicates that it's infinite
Girl: But it hasn't been proven yet.
Man: No
Girl: You haven't seen it.
Man: No
Girl: How do you know for sure?
Man: I don't, I just believe it.
Girl: mmm... It's the same with love I guess.
-A Beautiful Mind
I recently had the thought that love is not a choice, but rather it is something that either we find, or finds us through our lives. Many people said this is wrong; that we can indeed choose to love. I agree that we can choose to love, but to find love... I wonder what can be done about that.
We all have places that we search for love: religion, family, friends, sex, etc... The only truth that I can imagine is that love comes about when one is not alone. Perhaps loneliness is the absence of love. Perhaps the absence of love is an existential atheism. Though we all have remarked how much we love inanimate objects, I deem that love is not something that can be chosen, or found, or even stumbled upon with inanimate objects.
I wonder, whether it is a choice or an accident, when we know we have found love. Perhaps we may only know this when we find the end of the universe, but I enjoy entertaining this analogy. As I understand it, the universe is infinitely large and infinitely small. This would be in line with the quote above, but how many times are we mistaken about this? One man may fly to the moon, and certainly that is the end of the universe; where another man may fly the the furthest reaches of light, and deem that the end of the universe; and still another may - through means which seem utterly impossible to us based on the little we know of the possibilities of technology - fly past the reaches of light. I wonder which man has found the end of the universe.
So then, if this analogy truly follows, I wonder also which man has found love. Perhaps the man with a thousand concubines; or is it the man with a wife of 60 years; or maybe it is the young man who is madly in love with the girl of his dreams, and he is slipping the ring on her finger; but even still could it be the little girl who is absolutely certain that she is going to marry the boy across the street; or could it possibly be the man who, 20 years later, looks upon the picture of his beloved, praying for her return. This same question could be asked in reference to those who search for love through religion, friends or sex.
I suppose that the answer is such as the one in the quote. One may never answer this question, but is forced to act on belief.
The terrible reality of this world is such as this: if one believes in the wrong answer, the answer is still wrong.
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