Beliefs vs. Material Reality

Today I am struck by the complexity of my own ignorance.

I believe a few things about this world. As do you (even if you do not think that you do... you do). One of the things I believe, or at least that I thought I believed was that all is meaningless. Everything that we do is meaningless. It is like a cog in a watch, the cog decides that it will spin in circles, and spin and spin... then one day, it decides to break. The cog deciding to break is nothing that the cog ultimately constructed or did on its own... it simply fits into the timeline. At this hour on this day for this reason, the cog broke. It gets recorded into a history book, and that is all. Of course, it always was in a history book because it was always the thing that was going to happen to that cog at that moment.

That is all. All is meaningless.

However, I am an idiot.

See, I would acknowledge that belief, however I do not.

Let me put it this way. If you asked me what I believed, the above is what I would tell you. However, if you observed how I acted, then you could prove that I do not believe the above. This is the difference between our set of beliefs and our material reality.

Here's an example, which caught my eye enough to cause me to write this blog.

I was watching a Youtube video, and like many videos, the guy is giving something away. All you have to do is "like" the video and comment. So I, along with the millions of others (proving that I indeed will not win this Xbox) clicked the "like" button and commented. (aaahahahaha, I am really quite stupid) Here is what I commented:

"It's all meaningless anyway isn't it? So... this, holding suit with everything else in existence, doesn't matter. Neither would me winning that Xbox"

I would say... yeah. True. Well said. But, I commented. I tried to win that Xbox, which proves that it was not a meaningless endeavor to me. In that action, stating one of my beliefs I proved that I did not believe it.

But this puts me into the middle of my own paradox, because I have realized that what I believe I do not believe. Now what? Do I change what I believe? Do I desperately attempt to change how I behave? Or do I add the clause that I am a hypocrite to my "beliefs"?