So a lot of people have a "hero." hmm...
I know there are people who have saved me from different things, and I could probably fill this blog with a list of their names. But this is something interesting: in a hero movie, the hero always lets us down and then triumphs and rescues. But in life... in life people let you down and don't even know about it. In life, people let you down and walk away. To live is to be in the perpetual state of being let down by everyone around you. (To be human is to think that you are the only person that this happens to)
We all have this dream of a hero: a person who always comes back to rescue you when they let you down. Some people look to their future spouse to do this, some to money, some to God... But the funny thing is, no matter what we look to, it does not change the present situation. EVERYBODY AROUND YOU LETS YOU DOWN. This person has anger issues, this one doesn't listen, this one is perfect except for their addiction, this one... this one... this one... You could look at every single person in your life and make your list.
So what does that mean? Does it mean that we should give up on humanity, and be depressed?
no.
I am actually grinning right now. Such tragic concepts and words, but such a raw, earthy, human truth. We will all let each other down. So we smile, we laugh, we talk and we love.
That's it, isn't it? We don't wait for that one special person to be our hero, because they don't exist. We don't wait for God to come change it, because that is not now. We roll with the punches. Rocks decay, food rots, animals fight and bite, gravity pulls, people let people down. Just smile, love the people around you for the ways that they cannot fulfill you, and be.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Ponderings from the Bitter End
So I sit, at the bitter end. I have had so many thoughts that I have wanted to share in the last couple weeks, but words have not been my friend to articulate them. I have thoughts on nearly everything pertaining to my life, but they are fragmented and there does not seem to be a link of coherence to all of them. But here goes a bunny trail, follow if you like :)
I think that the best way to learn something interesting about someone is to ask them about where they grew up. This is always a loaded question that can be responded to for hours. Where can turn into how, and with who, and then there are the whys behind all of that. A question of "where have you come from" can be discussed for hours, days or even a lifetime. It can be interpreted in multitudes of different ways. It can bring pride and it can bring tears.
But I think that the question of "where have you come from" is also one that you should ask yourself, and dialogue about with yourself. Consider this, could someone else answer that question better then you could? I think that this is a valuable thing to dedicate much of your own meditation to. To look back and see where you came from, to see where you have been. I think that you can appreciate your life a lot by looking back, and that you can know better who you are and where you are going.
So I extend this question to you, and if you want to comment back your answer I would love to read it, but if not I challenge you to spend time meditating on this question, "Where have you come from?"
So briefly, while I still have time, I will take the first step in looking at where I have come from:
I was born where I am, as the youngest of four. As a youngest child I am somewhat (we will be generous with the "somewhat") obnoxious and attention starved from time to time. There is a lot of my life that I cannot recall. I cannot recall how I felt when _______ happened, and the only reason I really know it happened is because of scrap books or conversations with my family. My parents divorced when I was young, and I think that I grew up fast in a lot of ways. My primary regrets are things that I have not tried, as opposed to things that I tried and failed. I was home schooled until 3rd grade when I transfered to a charter academy. Then I went to public school from 6th-12th. I fell in love once, and had a few flings along the way. Once I found music I fell in love again. I never imagined I would pursue it, because I was never that talented. But when I was presented the option of leaving music I could not do it. So with music I stayed and with music I go.
I hope that you can re-discover something about yourself that makes you feel young again, or makes it seem like life isn't so bad (because I promise you, it isn't).
I think that the best way to learn something interesting about someone is to ask them about where they grew up. This is always a loaded question that can be responded to for hours. Where can turn into how, and with who, and then there are the whys behind all of that. A question of "where have you come from" can be discussed for hours, days or even a lifetime. It can be interpreted in multitudes of different ways. It can bring pride and it can bring tears.
But I think that the question of "where have you come from" is also one that you should ask yourself, and dialogue about with yourself. Consider this, could someone else answer that question better then you could? I think that this is a valuable thing to dedicate much of your own meditation to. To look back and see where you came from, to see where you have been. I think that you can appreciate your life a lot by looking back, and that you can know better who you are and where you are going.
So I extend this question to you, and if you want to comment back your answer I would love to read it, but if not I challenge you to spend time meditating on this question, "Where have you come from?"
So briefly, while I still have time, I will take the first step in looking at where I have come from:
I was born where I am, as the youngest of four. As a youngest child I am somewhat (we will be generous with the "somewhat") obnoxious and attention starved from time to time. There is a lot of my life that I cannot recall. I cannot recall how I felt when _______ happened, and the only reason I really know it happened is because of scrap books or conversations with my family. My parents divorced when I was young, and I think that I grew up fast in a lot of ways. My primary regrets are things that I have not tried, as opposed to things that I tried and failed. I was home schooled until 3rd grade when I transfered to a charter academy. Then I went to public school from 6th-12th. I fell in love once, and had a few flings along the way. Once I found music I fell in love again. I never imagined I would pursue it, because I was never that talented. But when I was presented the option of leaving music I could not do it. So with music I stayed and with music I go.
I hope that you can re-discover something about yourself that makes you feel young again, or makes it seem like life isn't so bad (because I promise you, it isn't).
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Take Time to Sit
Today I went out to Grand Haven with Abby, Maria, Dan, Joel and Iain. It was a ton of fun, the frozen waves were beautiful and were complimented perfectly by the slowly reddening sky. The air was warm, or at least warmer then I have felt yet this winter, and the company was delight, but something was missing.
The whole time I was there, I was running around from one thing to the next: I would see a frozen mount and want to conquer it, or perhaps a wall caked with ice that I just had to climb. I ran around and ran around. I saw everything there was to see, but in a sense I did not see any of it. The whole time I was so excited that I never took the time to slow down, to just breathe and take it all in. This is such a valuable discipline.
Think back to the moments that you remember. Were they followed by something else immediately? Or did you take the time to breathe and revel in the moment. I think that if we do not take a deep breath after something, that in a way we lose that moment.
Today was fun, cheerful and beautiful, but it just went by and that was it. Next time I want to take a moment to sit, to watch, to catch my breath. I just want to slow down before life has gone.
Slow down with me, while we are still young, and enjoy this beautiful world.
The whole time I was there, I was running around from one thing to the next: I would see a frozen mount and want to conquer it, or perhaps a wall caked with ice that I just had to climb. I ran around and ran around. I saw everything there was to see, but in a sense I did not see any of it. The whole time I was so excited that I never took the time to slow down, to just breathe and take it all in. This is such a valuable discipline.
Think back to the moments that you remember. Were they followed by something else immediately? Or did you take the time to breathe and revel in the moment. I think that if we do not take a deep breath after something, that in a way we lose that moment.
Today was fun, cheerful and beautiful, but it just went by and that was it. Next time I want to take a moment to sit, to watch, to catch my breath. I just want to slow down before life has gone.
Slow down with me, while we are still young, and enjoy this beautiful world.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
We All Close Our Eyes.
Do we close our eyes when something unpleasant happens in front of us?
If someone were being brutally stabbed in front of you, would you close your eyes? If somebody were being abused by their significant other, would you close your eyes? If a family were being broken apart, would you close you eyes? If a boy in the eighth grade were forced to be the man in his family, would you close your eyes?
This happens around us every day, and we all close our eyes.
Some girl who annoys you comes to you and complains to you about her life... we all close our eyes.
Your good friend is acting funny: nervous, on edge, but you just have too much going on in your day... we all close our eyes.
The whole world around us is falling apart. We all have our eyes closed.
We hear about a sex trade in Africa, and we wince... but we do not dare talk about the sex trade in America.
I could ramble on and on about the atrocities that man does to itself, but a guilt trip is not the point of this blog. This blog goes beyond the guilt trip, this blog is a challenge. Peel the scales from your eyes and see the world, and when the worst of it comes do not let your eyes close. Stare back into the beast and say that you will not have it.
Show compassion to the girl. Let her feel the power of human compassion in the midst of human brutality.
Let your friend know that you care. Give him an outlet other then drugs, alcohol or sex.
Stand up in the world and show the Devil himself that you will not stand there with closed eyes while humanity fails.
Do not shy away from the issues that are immediately present. Do not get caught up with the issues that are far away, and distracted from the ones at home.
Be love today,
It is not easy.
If someone were being brutally stabbed in front of you, would you close your eyes? If somebody were being abused by their significant other, would you close your eyes? If a family were being broken apart, would you close you eyes? If a boy in the eighth grade were forced to be the man in his family, would you close your eyes?
This happens around us every day, and we all close our eyes.
Some girl who annoys you comes to you and complains to you about her life... we all close our eyes.
Your good friend is acting funny: nervous, on edge, but you just have too much going on in your day... we all close our eyes.
The whole world around us is falling apart. We all have our eyes closed.
We hear about a sex trade in Africa, and we wince... but we do not dare talk about the sex trade in America.
I could ramble on and on about the atrocities that man does to itself, but a guilt trip is not the point of this blog. This blog goes beyond the guilt trip, this blog is a challenge. Peel the scales from your eyes and see the world, and when the worst of it comes do not let your eyes close. Stare back into the beast and say that you will not have it.
Show compassion to the girl. Let her feel the power of human compassion in the midst of human brutality.
Let your friend know that you care. Give him an outlet other then drugs, alcohol or sex.
Stand up in the world and show the Devil himself that you will not stand there with closed eyes while humanity fails.
Do not shy away from the issues that are immediately present. Do not get caught up with the issues that are far away, and distracted from the ones at home.
Be love today,
It is not easy.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Back in Color
Hello dear anonymous:
Now that I have rediscovered color, I invite you to follow me. I realized that the neutral colors that I am so entranced by can only offer so much. They have crisp lines and distinct features, in their neutrality they stick out. But when you exist in neutrals, you stick out, you do not fit in. Many of us try to be "individuals" we try to be "original" or "different," but the fact is that we long so desperately to fit in. The problem is that when we fit in, we do not get noticed. So the battle is between acceptance and acknowledgement. Would you rather be the completely average person who seems invisible, or the radical, original, neutral person who everyone sees in the crowd?
I don't know what my answer is, and in a perfect world the question would not exist. But all I can do from here on out is to love. Whether someone sticks out, or blends in, to notice them and greet them with a good, positive attention.
The bottom line comes back once again to love. So I encourage all, and myself to love.
Now that I have rediscovered color, I invite you to follow me. I realized that the neutral colors that I am so entranced by can only offer so much. They have crisp lines and distinct features, in their neutrality they stick out. But when you exist in neutrals, you stick out, you do not fit in. Many of us try to be "individuals" we try to be "original" or "different," but the fact is that we long so desperately to fit in. The problem is that when we fit in, we do not get noticed. So the battle is between acceptance and acknowledgement. Would you rather be the completely average person who seems invisible, or the radical, original, neutral person who everyone sees in the crowd?
I don't know what my answer is, and in a perfect world the question would not exist. But all I can do from here on out is to love. Whether someone sticks out, or blends in, to notice them and greet them with a good, positive attention.
The bottom line comes back once again to love. So I encourage all, and myself to love.
I Like Where I am
Today I woke up at 7:30, getting out of bed after two snooze buttons at 7:45. I left the dorm at 8:00 to get some breakfast and start the day slow. My first class, at 8:35 was Teaching General Music, where we sang a song, played instruments and made motions to go along with it. Of course, every college class has lecture time, but I genuinely enjoy my professors. During break I got my first free cup of coffee of the day (perk of my new job at the coffee house on campus), then enjoyed my first Theory class of the semester. After Theory I got lunch, and practiced my various instruments until Capella rehearsal at 3:30. From there I ate dinner, and did some reading then went to work at 7:00. I worked until close, and got back to my dorm at about 10:45. That is nearly fifteen hours out of the dorm, but I loved every minute.
After a day like that I see things with a bit more perspective, and I realized that I was disappointed to hear that classes were canceled tomorrow due to the blizzard. Walking back to my dorm I heard many students rejoicing for their day off, but I don't want a day off. The semester JUST started, and I like where I am.
So tomorrow I will not take a day off, I will get up and have breakfast then go about my day. The weekends are enough to have off.
P.S. Feel free to quote this to me when I post about how busy I am come exams and juries :)
After a day like that I see things with a bit more perspective, and I realized that I was disappointed to hear that classes were canceled tomorrow due to the blizzard. Walking back to my dorm I heard many students rejoicing for their day off, but I don't want a day off. The semester JUST started, and I like where I am.
So tomorrow I will not take a day off, I will get up and have breakfast then go about my day. The weekends are enough to have off.
P.S. Feel free to quote this to me when I post about how busy I am come exams and juries :)
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